An Open Letter to Moms Complaining About Public Assistance

Delilah making mommy a silly-face
This was taken the month we started collecting food stamps back in 2008. We had no idea what financial strain lay ahead.

To Whom It May Concern:

Your posts on Facebook and Twitter (complaining about the hassles of getting free food) are hard to read because it’s kinda awkward to watch another person make an ass of themselves, even in writing. I hear where you’re coming from and suspect you just don’t know any better. Maybe you were spoiled as a child and are self-centered as a result. Perhaps you’re spoiled still as is evidenced by the fact that you post from your smartphone and spend a sizable chunk of your income on manicures and cigarettes while complaining about your unfair circumstances.

We can all sympathize- to a point- with whatever it is that’s wrong with you which makes you act this way. It’s understandable that you have a character flaw but may not be aware of it. How could you be? Such flaws generally cause a person to believe themselves infallible. Your constant need for attention practically forces you to broadcast all your perceived troubles on Social Media in shameless attempts to garner sympathy and attention. You’re clearly unaware of how your whiny indignation is annoying to those of us living in similar circumstances yet still managing to behave like responsible adults. We’re over here wincing at your loudmouth rants about a system which you benefit from and should be grateful for yet somehow are the opposite of grateful: entitled. You’re a mess of your own making. Please stop. Big girl panties, now.

One can only assume you have no idea how low class and selfish your public complaints make you sound. So, from someone who understands, I want to break it down from one broke Mom to another in the essence of Sisterhood, but mostly because you’re making the rest of us look bad. Oh yes, I’ve been in your shoes and can relate. You’ll find no self righteous condemnation here, my friend.

My husband & I received “Food Stamps” from June 2008 to just this past spring, 2014. We still participate in WIC for our son and each of our three kids are on Government provided health insurance. I’m what some people refer to as a “Welfare Mom”, though we’ve never actually collected Welfare, ever. The recession hit us hard since my husband was, at the time, working in new home construction and we had just bought a home 2 years prior. We fell hard, crashed & burned but learned a lot and are thankful for the wisdom and fortification that hard times gave us. So I have a lot of experience jumping through the hoops involved in benefiting from Public Assistance.

After all the years we’ve collected Foodstamps & WIC, I’ve come to appreciate how much red tape was involved in collecting those benefits. I figured all that free help was worth the hours it took to get someone on the phone-being disconnected over and over- or the hours spent waiting my turn at the DSHS office with two toddlers in tow only to find out I was in the wrong place or that I had the wrong paperwork. I decided to be thankful for what we received even though there were constant mistakes and hassle working against me to take advantage of that much needed help. My attitude was, “This is how I work for it”. After a while I got pretty good at navigating the system and it’s pitfalls.

Reality check: Be thankful. It would be in your interest to stop complaining about the hassles you endure in the process of receiving free assistance. Trust me, people will pay more attention to what you say- a benefit that surely appeals to you- if you sound less like an undeserving ingrate and more like you’re trying to make the best of it. I mean, we get it, but nobody’s impressed by your “hardship” so buck-up. Say thank you to a government employee and mean it. They’re overworked, understaffed and being chewed out by people like you who seem to think they’ve called Amazon Customer Service rather than DSHS. Funding cuts always seem to hit the programs we rely on most and so their job cannot be easy. It’s unfortunate for the un-manicured, unselfish, hardworking folks who are also collecting benefits to be painted with the same brush as you. However, due to that unfortunate character flaw which causes you to behave this way, I suspect this advice will fall on deaf ears. One can only try.

Warmest Wishes,

from Someone Who’s Been There

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